So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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