Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
