it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
