I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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