i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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