Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
