She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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