ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
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