I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
