getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
