people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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