I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
