She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
