Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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