No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
