What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
