1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
