dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
