a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just want to make out with him forever
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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