In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
