You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
