I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
