Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
