i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
