FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
