Four minutes until I can fart!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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