i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
