btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
