don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
