I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
