My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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