ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
