You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
