I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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