Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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