I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
