She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
