Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
