he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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