i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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