Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to calm my uterus...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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