The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They took my balls.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
