I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
