I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
