You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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