her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
