we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
