You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
