every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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