And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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