1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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