he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
