im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
